On this Memorial Day, we shall take the time to remember the fallen who have sacrificed so much at the hands of our nation’s most implacable foe: Man-Made Global Warming.
No burqa can hide the sinister machinations of this amorphous enemy. No Northeastern snowstorm on this venerable holiday can placate this Carbon Dioxide monster from heating up the world’s surface.
We must conquer the enablers who dare finger the world’s thermostat. We must lop off the hand that rocks the world! Modernity, along with a technology ravenous populace, has shaken the very foundation of statism, and this will not stand!
The real enemy of the United States – Nay! – of all mankind are Climate Deniers who poke holes in our flawed data; make fun of our preposterous doomsday proselytizing; point out that not one of our models have come to fruition; or reveal our manipulation of surveys and research.
These ingrates don’t realize our subterfuge is a tactical maneuver to save them and the planet at large. We are the ones they’ve been waiting for, even if they don’t realize it!
So today, let’s remember the casualties of man-made global warming: unscrupulous politicians who were voted out of office; opportunistic scientist who’ve lost their grant money and reputations; fools who paid carbon reduction fees; and the media who’re on the frontlines of this massive fraud.
No wreath will be laid for the disgraced. No, Tomb of the Unknown Fleeced to be guarded. Only pride in the conviction that this war will go on, until the freedoms and bank accounts of every American shall be rendered – of the federal government, by the federal government, and for the federal government, so help Mother Earth.